SQUARE PEGS, SQUARE PEGS

Like most television programs that I have fairly fond memories of, I can't lie and pretend to be anything like an authority on the short lived and off-beat series about a bunch of high school students; Square Pegs (with the cool theme song). Premiering in September of 1982, this was definitely worth watching; especially to this guy who was just one year out of highschool at that point. (I should have graduated at least two years before that but, like Johnny Slash in this show, I was not exactly 'there'.)

My circle of friends would talk about that week's installment -- we played pick-up ice hockey every weekend, so there was time in the dressing room before the game to recount the previous week's exciting events in our lives. It was clear that a couple of close friends of mine were there every week for Square Pegs.

The characters were actually interesting to a degree: This is probably part of the reason the show didn't last more than twenty episodes. We all went to highschool with characters like these. As I mentioned there was Johnny Slash, played by Merritt Butrick... one of the more interesting of the lot.

I was visiting a friend last week who has satellite tv. On the Saturday, it rained on and off for the entire day. As I don't have cable -- don't need it really as I'm happy with CBC and TVOntario -- watching the channels 'TV Land' and 'Dejaview' kept me cemented in front of the LCD television with one episode after another of I Love Lucy (brilliant as always and one of the greatest of all time), Happy Days (crap, except the first couple of seasons), Happy Days (status; same), Joanie Loves Chachi (unbelievably bad), Good Times (good when good), and Square Pegs (has the bonus of being watchable today as I learned that Saturday).

I had forgotten that I had a bit of a crush on Tracy Nelson. Quite the cutie to me, back then.

I'm sure that Square Pegs will be available on DVD soon.

A great site to check up on this sort of thing is: http://www.tvshowsondvd.com/

CARMINA BURANA, O MANA!

Recently, a friend of mine went off to see a performance of Carmina Burana at Roy Thompson Hall, here in Toronto... as opposed to the hall of the same name in Tillsonburg. I met him the next day and we revelled in the joy and delights of Carl Orff's iconic work. We hummed, reminisced, impressed the other with our vast knowledge of the work, and compared our various recordings.

We, no doubt, came across as somewhat pompous to anyone who might have had the pleasure of witnessing our rather uncivilized shenanigans. This music has that affect; otherwise reserved and sane people go a little nutty after being exposed to the songfest of Carmina Burana.

The great thing about this work, other than its obvious harmonic and melodic attributes, is the fact that it is a very interpretive piece. Everything from a small ensemble singing and acting, to a large scale and straightforward symphonic performance, to a dance company doing their own thing, has been done to play out Carmina Burana. And I am still missing a few examples.

O Fortuna... Oh, my.

I told this friend I would look for my copy of another work he might like; Leonard Bernstein's Candide.

Nectar of the gods.

CANDIDE

My CDs are stacked like pennies; on top of a tall bookcase; I am tall but that is no way to file discs. "What's this? I forgot I had this." (Arthur Bliss' Morning Heroes). What I did not forget I had, which is the reason why I was standing on an empty cardboard box as I reached with my eyes over the piece of furniture, is my copy of Leonard Bernstein's operetta, Candide. I used to play this disc an awful lot. While working as I did at one time in the photo arts, I liked to play this music as I worked. And as Barbara Cook would do, I would be singing along... or humming, at best.

Cut to years later, now, and I am in heaven once again. I will make sure this time that I file Candide right beside that other great mid-twentieth century orchestral/vocal work, Carmina Burana.

Leonard Bernstein said a funny thing about the master composer (and anti Semite, and racist, and an arrogant, pompous ass) Richard Wagner: "I despise him, but I despise him on my knees."

THE MENAGERIE ON SCREEN

Tonight I watched the 1975 feature film, Framed, starring Joe Don Baker. It wasn't too bad. After it ended, I decided to look it up on the Internet Movie Database (imdb.com) as part of my insatiable thirst for knowledge. (Useless knowledge? Watch your tongue, my dear boy.)

On the main page for the imdb was a news headline about Paramount Pictures releasing theatrically, for one night only on November 13th, the Star Trek episode, The Menagerie. Recently, Paramount made transfers from the original camera negatives for the first time. This is the new version with CG effects replacing the original model work. Considering I'm an old Trekker, I don't have any strong feeling about the 'upgrades'... whatever turns Paramount on and a potential new audience. (The miniature flyby stuff for the first pilot is, admittedly, a little on the rough side as it was also experimental in nature. No tv show up to that point had tried such elaborate effects.)

The Menagerie is a good choice for release as it has a movie quality to it; in running time and scope. This original two-parter incorporated the first pilot episode, The Cage. The ST series producers wanted to use it as it was a very expensive pilot, and having a $616,000 negative sitting idle in cans was considered a waste. The writers creatively (brilliantly) wrote an 'envelope' show in order to use the Cage footage effectively without resorting to; "Gee, Mr. Spock, what was it like to work with Captain Pike?" This additional footage was shot and the pilot was used as a sort of flashback. The Cage became The Menagerie.

The news headline mentions that this release will happen in about 300 theatres. Maybe Toronto will be one of them, and maybe I will go... maybe I'll be careful next time about admitting such a thing. Gee whiz, where did I put my Spock ears?...

SUPERARGO VS DIABOLICUS

This was a beautiful or, at least, entertaining movie in my childhood. It played my the local cinema a few times and I caught it at least two of those. Somehow we young movie goers knew it wasn't exactly a Hollywood movie even though it was a CinemaScope and colour picture with fast cars, computer consoles, cool fights (the flick opens with Superargo, in his tights, wrestling in a ring with a leopard man), a villainous villain based on a small island, and a rocketship (more on this in a moment), and darn entertaining, you can take that to the bank, delight.

I learned that Superargo contro Diabolikus -- brought to America as Superargo versus Diabolicus -- was a Italian/Spanish co-production from 1966. The only actor I am familiar with is Gerard Tichy... he was in two Samuel Bronston pictures from 1961; El Cid and King of Kings. Tichy plays the villain, Diabolicus, with great delight, as I remember it. He says to Superargo, "with my brains and your strength we can rule the world!"

Hopefully this matinee fare will hit video over here soon. I can watch Superargo again for the first time in over thirty years and anticipate and enjoy the feature's final few minutes all over again, the way I remember them: As a clock does a classic count-down, Diabolicus tries to take off in a rocketship from his island to escape a pursuing Superargo, and a timed detonator (which will blow up the island). Next, there is a shot, at night time, of what appears to be a pile of mud on a wet garage floor. I think: "Oh, that's the area right under the rocket booster... and the flame is supposed to be the rockets readying to fire." Shot of Superargo running over to a control panel. He pulls a power cable or something or other and sparks fly. Medium close-up of Diabolicus yelling or screaming in his capsule. Back to the wet garage floor as a mass of flame licks and swirls around the pile of mud which throws about little chunks of mud. I think: "Diabolicus is getting away; the rockets are firing." At that exact same instant, everyone in the movie theatre explodes with laughter. I think: "What are they laugh... ? Ohh, that's supposed to be the island blowing up!"

I'm not always the brightest rocket on the island.

CRYING VIOLAS

Movies are known for making people cry; sometimes for the right reasons, as in a sympathetic character dying, or occasionally for the wrong one, as in you kissing twelve bucks goodbye. (The paper kissing happens an awful lot these days.) I remember seeing a particular episode of the ABC news magazine show, 20/20, in the mid 'nineties. One of the show's segments was on the phenomenon of crying; the human ability to drip water from the eye. The story went on to detail some of the serious research being done on this human process. There were a few shots of test subjects sitting alone in a darkened room as clear fluid ran from the eyes as though there was a giant peeled onion held just off camera.

The best part of the show was when, during a shot of one of these crying folk, segment reporter John Stossel did a voice over that went something like this: "How do these researchers get people to cry for the experiments? They show them old movies." And in the program audio at that moment you could hear the movie's musical score; which just happened to feature a solo viola cranking away in the upper register.

Niagara Falls it was... or better still, Victoria Falls.

It was great.

GOBBLE-GOBBLE

While enjoying this Canadian Thanksgiving holiday Monday, I thought I would share some of my own movie turkey. (The real turkey I am still chasing around the kitchen.) This is just a spontaneous list as most of these turkeys you hope would rot away in the compost bin of time.

While I respect anyone who just gets a film made, there are those movies that left an impression on me... like turkey leftovers forgotten in the back of the fridge or in the garbage bag that has been sitting in the hallway for a month.

Here she is, and in no particular order (the numbers are just for stock tracking):

1. Endless Love 1981 Director: Franco Zeffirelli
I am embarrassed to admit that when I saw it on Superchannel back in 1983 I actually made it to the end. There were so many scenes with richness in the form of ineptness. (Not one of Zeffirelli's best.) Rent it. Better still, buy it on DVD... today! It's a hoot!

2. Star Wars: Attack of the Clones 2002 Director: George Lucas
Hard to believe an installment from the venerable Star Wars franchise made the cut, although the prequel films were all battling for the coveted spot. (Limit one per customer.) AOTC is better known to me as the Plan 9 From Outer Space of the six Lucas ATMs. The dialogue is precious. My local SW fanatic told me after he saw it, and learned that I wasn't about to rush out to see AOTC, "I can't believe you don't want to see it... you like the old Republic serials, and this would be like cocaine to you!" (I should tell this fan friend that the Republic serials are good.) Maybe I should have done a line before I ultimately watched it.

3. The Berlin Affair 1985 Director: Liliana Cavani
I watched this baby at Toronto's great Bloor Cinema back in 1986 with my classmate Ted. These are important details as the fact that I can say that I saw this flickerama at the Bloor with Ted means I actually remember something about the movie screening. (Also, we sat in the balcony.) All I really remember about the movie is that it was excruciatingly boring and Ted and I burst into laughter at some of its special moments.

4. Leviathan 1989 Director: George P. Cosmatos
One of the underwater cycle movies that hit screens in 1989 which included James Cameron's 1989 technical epic, The Abyss. My own favourite Leviathan moment?... the lovely Amanda Pays, armed with a music blaring walkman portable listening device, decides to go for a jog around the sub-aquatic station after it has been established that a monster is on the loose.

5. Charlie's Angels 2000 Director: McG (McWho?!)
This movie, or whatever it is, is one big mess. The action is repetitive -- we get twenty scenes illustrating the girls' undercover exploits at the beginning of the film just to make sure we understand their line of work -- and cinematic technique non existent with badly composed shots and awkward staging. This abortion makes the Charlie's Angels television series look classy... it kinda was in a way.

6. Amistad 1997 Director: Steven Spielberg
The subject matter of this one is important and for all time, but the execution is surprisingly bad (although some Spielberg bashers would have an answer). Hysterical scene which made me laugh out loud: John Adams is doing his important speech... the music swells and the audio dubbing mixer pushes the music pot up with the orchestra's swelling; it reaches a crescendo of swellness and I am on the floor! I didn't think that aural humour was possible to such a degree.

7. The Faculty 1998 Director: Robert Rodriguez
The biggest failure of this film is that it was plain ol' not scary. My favourite moment at the Bloor Cinema here in Toronto, where I saw it, was the moment I was leaving the theatre after this thriller finished: Two young girls of about eleven or twelve years of age were picked up by their mothers as they stood in the lobby. One of the mothers glowed and asked, "so, what did you think?" The girls shook their heads and one stated, "it wasn't even scary." My reaction just then was that Rodriquez lost his target audience.

8. The Green Berets 1968 Directors: Ray Kellogg, John Wayne, Mervyn LeRoy
Make no mistake, this movie was bad the instant it left the moviola back in 1968, but in today's political climate, The Green Berets has special cache. The military bravura never went over well with audiences back then, while the U.S. was in the thick of the Vietnam war, and perhaps would be even more laughable if projected on a screen today in front of a packed house. Sounds like an experiment to me. The Green Berets is funny by any measure and does not need politics to make it that. I like 'The Duke', but realize that he couldn't win 'em all. Good for Wayne that he went on to star in a film the very next year which would win him an Oscar for playing a special character... that of 'Rooster' Cogburn in True Grit. (My dad took me to see that one when it came out... I am old.)

9. I'm tired...

(There are more gobble-gobbles; a lot more. But that is enough.)

A DVD SHOW

I was looking through the TV guide and noticed a certain show playing on SunTV (a Toronto broadcast television station). The DVD Show sounded interesting enough so I decided to check an installment last evening. That was a big mistake. I could not believe how bad it was. From watching it I gathered that there are two regular hosts and two guest hosts for any particular episode.

The hosts were obviously fake in personality and maybe lacking any personality. The fun really started for your dedicated viewer when these clowns started reviewing newly released DVDs. One such title, Paul Verhoeven's The Black Book (Zwartboek), was a victim of the DVD Show's skilled reviewers. One of the guests, the guy guest, said something like, "most people know Verhoeven from his Hollywood movies like Robocop, Basic Instinct, Starship Troopers, and Showgirls; so I don't know why they would watch a film he made like one of his earlier movies he made in his country". (I am paraphrasing of course as I made the mistake of not taping the program so I could get an exact transcription with the added benefit of getting to enjoy it over and over again.)

I could not believe what I heard. It goes without saying that subjectivity is part of any criticism, but to dismiss some movie out of hand and with such verbiage is not only unfair to the viewer -- there are those who might be watching this review plus actually like 'foreign' films -- but indicates pure brainlessness on the part of the so-called reviewer. As a critic, you may warn those readers or television viewers who don't like foreign-language films and particularly don't like having to read subtitles, and that the title being discussed is both those so they might want to skip it, then put it in that perspective. Do not dismiss a film outright. Part of film and television criticism, good film and television criticism, is to hold the viewer's or reader's hand and take them through an introduction of varied movie or tv program types as they come along. Believe it or not, many people are open minded; these idiotic 'reviewers' are not... although, it could be argued that one has to have a brain to be 'minded' at all -- or have any personality.

Brain-less.

Don't think I am slagging SunTV: This afternoon, as I discovered in my TV guide perusing, this station is playing Wonder Woman at 3 p.m. and following it up with The Incredible Hulk at 4 p.m.

Awesome. (I all but ignored these programs in their original runs... but still awesome.)

THE LOU GRANT SYNDROME

What is "The Lou Grant Syndrome" you ask? It is a non fatal condition which originated in small town, Ontario, Canada.

In all seriousness, I named this condition back in the late '70s. At the time there was a popular and acclaimed sitcom, The Mary Tyler Moore Show. When this half-hour comedy program left the airwaves, the character of Lou Grant, played by Ed Asner, was given his own hour-long dramatic vehicle. I remember that there was a little bit of confusion at the time, as Lou Grant, the show, was more serious in tone... not exactly what you would have expected it to be, based on it's parent, which wasn't a true progenitor. Critics and audiences seemed to be caught off guard by the shift in dramatics.

I, for one, liked Lou Grant very much. At that time, 1977, I was starting to lose interest in television watching as a regular hobby -- as a matter of fact, to this day, I feel that regular television program viewing is something one grows out of as they get older -- so even though I latched onto a new program, well, the Neilson company would not get an accurate picture of audience appeal, for this series, based on my habits. This is a shame, as I would have watched it more often if I hadn't discovered the outside world when I did. (I am joking as I, like a few of my friends, played road hockey for a chunk of the year and organized ice hockey during the winter. During the summer I ran around, and sometimes into, trees and biked just about everywhere.)

My point is: I came up with the term, "The Lou Grant Syndrome"; a term I applied to those who like a particular television program very much but never seem to get around to watching it. By the way, I probably saw seven or eight episodes of Lou Grant. The series went four seasons.

A couple of close friends of mine actually used the term, "The Lou Grant Syndrome"... I am posting here in order to try to make it a better known condition; or at least the proper name for the condition. Contrary to popular opinion, it is not called "Gotten a Life".

A MOVIE THAT TIME FORGOT

I am writing this in order to fulfill a two-article contract with my friend Mark (see my entry entitled, "The Lost Starlost".) His request that I write about "Doug McClure movies" did encourage me to rent The Land That Time Forgot as I haven't seen it in over twenty five years. Along with movies like At the Earth's Core, and The People That Time Forgot, it played on television a lot back then. These titles were great matinee fare.

This movie just rocketed by... it helped that Land is only ninety minutes in length. (Today, studios would find a way to make this a 120 minute, or more, bore.) The setup to the picture was quite good: Without giving too much away, our hero Doug McClure, with a little help, occupies a U-boat, and this vessel delivers our cast to a land that time forgot. I was surprised at how well directed it all was. For example, there is a combat scene on the boat's deck between the German crew and the invading party. It isn't just a quick one-two-three. There are some skirmishes which show the mayhem involved when two groups are fighting for something important. There is a bit of a PG sensibility, but the point is well made. (Steven Spielberg illustrated this aspect of skirmishing to great effect in his otherwise unremarkable film, Saving Private Ryan.)

Once on the island we are treated to a bunch of rubber-suit dinosaurs. I say this with affection. You get the point. It was a cost saving measure as stop motion animation would have been a lot more involved; financially and otherwise. It is hard to believe that the aforementioned processes were the only way to do 'monsters' before the pivotal year of 1993 -- the year of the unremarkable (other than the dinosaur business) movie, Jurassic Park. Land also features some lovely scenic backdrops and mattes. This isn't Kansas.

The ending is not what I expected: Perhaps this is the effect of Hollywood movies today where there has to be an explosion of some type, literally or even figuratively, to finish the last reel. Land does have a scene with explosions and fire near the end, but avoids the construct of happy, happy.

The Land That Time Forgot was a lot of fun, overall, and a bit of a surprise as I was expecting less.