GIVIN' THE BOOT

The Bionic Woman was not a show I watched a lot. I much rather preferred The Six Million Dollar Man... uh oh, too much information. The Six ran for five seasons (1974-1978) and the spinoff series, The Bionic Woman, lasted for just two years -- 1976-1978 -- although Lindsay Wagner did win an Emmy for her portrayal as Jaime Sommers. The female version didn't last as long, perhaps, as audiences were just bioniced out. This all brings me to the Bionic Babe (as one reviewer has already called it). The new version; the 2.0, the reboot, Bionic Woman, stars Michelle Ryan as a one-dimensional Jamie Sommers. I realize it is just one episode down, but Ryan's one-note performance, one lacking any range of emotion or depth at all, does not bode well for the series. (We'll see how long this one lasts, not that this is a measure of quality.) What she does do effectively, is mask her British accent. I can see an Emmy! Ryan is a great looking girl. Actually, everyone is; her sister, friends. The casting criteria is clear. To be honest, Miguel Ferrer is the most interesting cast member. He has screen presence and a great face; he gets that from his dad. If there is any reason to explore the series at all, Ferrer just might be the reason. BW suffers from the typical, and rampant, disease of most television acting today: Everybody is so damned earnest! Doesn't anybody smile or laugh? The answer is no. And I'll tell you, this show is already shaping up to be a barrel of laughs. Even in dark or gritty stories there can be honest humour. Perhaps it is even more needed in these cases. When will producers ever learn that you have to render characters with depth and personality? And work on those scripts, will ya? It's not as though they are important or anything. Think of all the classic series that have displayed great longevity: Whether you think they are cheesy, dated, great, or brilliant, the one thing they have in common is they are staffed with characters possessing appeal and dimension. They walk on screen and you get a kick out of them. Lindsay Wagner was excellent in the original BW -- no matter what you think of the show as a whole. Did I say that Bionic Woman's music score is lousy? (Sounds like a package deal to me.) Love that rock guitar riff that rips whenever BW Babe starts kicking some ass. First of all, you can have bionic parts coming out of your ass, but if you haven't been trained in the martial arts, then these parts don't mean shite! The producers and personnel on Bionic Woman should just stop, turn out the lights, and g o, h o m e ! Do something useful, like re-imagining My Mother The Car. Total, absolute, complete... garbage!