SANTA CLAUS CONQUERS ALL

Every time you turn around another Christmas season is upon us.

I'm not one to load in the holiday movies this time of year.

Me?! I would never be so sentimental.

But there is a reason to watch one of the finest Christmas films of all time -- and I don't mean that certain cloying Frank Capra picture. But the 1983 insta-classic, A Christmas Story (directed by the late Bob Clark). Priceless. It gets auto-shown on television this time of year.

One film which might also be shown every year, although I haven't been monitoring such things, is the kitsch-classic, Santa Claus Conquers the Martians.

I had not heard of this picture until the book, "The Fifty Worst Film of All Time", came out in 1978. Joyce Davidson, of The Joyce Davidson Show, a CTV (Canadian Television) weekday afternoon program from the mid/late 'seventies, had this book's author Harry Medved on as her guest one day, and I just happened to tune in. A thoroughly entertaining and revealing installment this was.

Santa Claus Conquers the Martians was discussed: How legendary producer Joseph E. Levine produced it on a small budget in an aircraft hanger and that it starred a very small Pia Zadora. The name of Levine was known to many of us as his pictures by this point, mid-seventies, were of the big budget, star laden variety... like A Bridge Too Far (1977). Epic scale stuff promoted in a method to match.

So when Harry mentioned Levine's name, you got the idea.

Joseph E. Levine (the 'E' has to be in there) distributed Santa Claus Conquers the Martians through his Embassy Pictures Corporation. Even though his outfit went on to give weight to its name, at the time of Santa Claus, Embassy would have made Monogram Pictures look like Paramount Pictures.

Milton DeLugg wrote the film's equally infamous score; with its annoyingly catchy title song, "Horray for Santa Claus". ("When we hear sleigh bells ring. Our hearts go ting-a-ling.")

Admittedly, the song and the underscore fit the film: It is all one extended fever dream. As though we ate some bad Christmas Pudding. ("Hang up that mistletoe. Soon you'll hear Ho Ho Ho.")

I have this one in a Sci-Fi boxed DVD set a friend gave me a few Christmases ago. Time to crack open those uneaten Christmas cookies from two years ago and pop in Santa Claus Conquers the Martians.

I should invite a particular friend of mine over; he likes this sort of thing.

... too.